So, Speedy and I are going to suck it up for another round at the RE's office, and then we are going to take matters into our own hands. Here are our options:
Donor A: Free, Fresh and Local:
This is a donor with multiply proven potency (both with his wife and with another lesbo recipient). We love this man-- he is smart, funny, kind and generous without fail. He is also good looking, but is not an ethnic match for Speedy at all. She's 1/2 Korean, 1/2 Polish; he is Indian.
Donor B: Speedy Match:
CaliCryo guy is a close-to-perfect match for Speedy's ethnicity and has "more than five" reported pregnancies. Thanks to Figboiler I now know we can get the goods delivered to us and Speedy could do the IUI herself. He is stated to be "unquestionably good looking" and smart. His personality seems to be calm, confident and competent.
I honestly have a very slight preference for Donor B because I want a mini-Speedy. BUT more importantly, I want a success. I don't know which is a better chance of working: fresh ICIs (with virtually unlimited supply-- i.e., we could do four consecutive days each month if we wanted) or frozen IUIs. Any thoughts?
I say go with your gut on this one. It seems like you want to start with B, no? I would say leave the fresh/frozen debate out of it, but it's kinda key...and so is the mini-Speedy factor. Go with what you feel. My money is on B.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to say which has better sucsess. I've seen success and failure stories on both sides. Frozen worked for us very quickly. I'd say go with the donor you want first and see what happens.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you are leaning towards B, so maybe you should start there. But it is VERY nice to know you have Free, Fresh and Local waiting in the wings!
ReplyDeleteOMG Can we have your Indian guy for when M takes her turn?
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We went with frozen for similar reasons to yours. We want our baby to look like us. Donor #2, also frozen, that we have picked out for M is Persian (I'm Pakistani).
Hmm...This is a tough nut to crack. Speaking long-term, it sounds like B is your preference. It was important to us to have a Chinese donor. But if we had someone of another ethnicity waiting in the wings... well, I dunno. Maybe we’d go for it. I saw go with your original choice and if that doesn’t work, maybe you’ll be mentally prepared for making the switch.
ReplyDeleteI agree - go with your gut - but is sperm quality the only factor influencing your decision? If you decide to go with Donor A and insem at home, I don't think you'll be able to cut out your RE unless you also decide to go unmedicated. We've talked a bit around these parts about finding a known donor if our 6 vials of Pinoy don't work out, but our RE won't even give us Clomid without monitoring. Just a thought. And the insurance situation sucks balls! I'll comment over there on that one.
ReplyDeleteSuch a tough (and personal) decision.
ReplyDeleteI think, all things being equal, the odds are probably better with fresh. Lots of women get pregnant quickly with frozen too, though. And speed/odds clearly isn't the only consideration.
Long term, how would you feel about your kid knowing his/her donor and (bio) half-siblings? For us, our families are already big and messy enough that we decided and unknown donor was best.
If you do go the kd route, be sure to consult an attorney - protection for you all.
Good luck with your decision.
I had someone volunteer to be a donor.He had four boys and actually wanted more ,but his wife said no.Part,part-time uncle was okay with him.
ReplyDeleteBut then we started discussing things and there where a lot of things he hadn't thought about when he said he had extra i could have lol. I wanted my kid(s) to know their sibs,especially since they all would be living in Brooklyn. Suppose it was a girl(s)? I also wanted his wife's approval and to know if she had any plans of being involved or not. Of course ,the whole thing would be fodder for her huge Italian family and possibly gossip and negative opinion included.
In the end he decided to withdraw his offer.Had we lived in different states maybe it would have worked or not.
Will your kid(s) the other lesbians kid and his kids be a part of each others lives? Ever?
I also say start with B. Its not as though A is going away anytime soon, right? It seems difficult to stick to preferences in the face of failure during this process, but important nonetheless.
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