No way to put this delicately, but WTF is up with G-dd@mn progesteropone making me bleed like a FREAKIN' PIG?! I bled through my super-plus tampon in the 35 minutes it took me to get to work. Happily, I had a spare pair of panties in my gym bag, and the damage did not get to my pants. Unhappily, that means no gym today.
But seriously-- talk about adding injury to insult!
And (stand-by for emotional confession a la moi) I AM bummed. Thank you for all your awesome comments (I like to channel Valley Girl, circa 1986 sometimes, mmkay!?) It turns out that the BFN stung a little more than I expected. At first, I didn't think I was too bummed because 1) I knew the odds, 2) I had steadfastly refused to get my hopes up, and 3) I informed my dear Speedy in no uncertain terms that sulking and pouting were forbidden; instead we made a trip to T0ys in B@beland for some fun things and then for pizza in Little Italy despite the horrendous cold and relentless wind. We had A Day and loved it. But this morning I woke up in a pool of blood and ennui.
C'est la vie, I know... Moving on. Just sayin'.
You're not alone. I've spent the last two weeks swallowed in ennui. Poor egg, to be developing in that environment.
ReplyDeleteMy flow was really bad this cycle, too, and all I had was Clomid. I was all clotty, too, something I hadn't even know to recognize before TTC.
*hugs and positive thoughts*
Blerg - I'm sorry to hear about your negative and the extra bleeding! It's one of the cruel realities of TTC that you can't really predict how you're going to react or feel. I appreciate your approach - not getting your hopes up, being realistic etc. But sometimes it's good to take ten minutes of sulky pissed-off-ness or tears before resuming regularly scheduled programming. If the emotions are there, I find it helps me to acknowledge them.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I don't want to sound preachy - just my two cents. I hope the bleeding gives you a break!
Ugh, so sorry to hear about it. We have been there many, many times. Here’s hoping for a change of luck in 2010! And I like your consolation prize day out! :)
ReplyDeleteI have decided that no amount of stern self talk about realism and statistics actually does any good. Sure we can occasionally keep ourselves from wallowing into a deep rut but honestly grief is a part of every negative. Not to mention the crazy emotions brought about by evil progesterone. Hang in there- hopefully better things are coming soon.
ReplyDeleteThe occasional bouts of ennui are unavoidable when ttc and, as Cindy pointed out, exaggerated by the drugs. Sounds like you are keeping a healthy perspective on it all.
ReplyDeleteHere's hoping this is the last time you have to face these emotions!
Progesterone makes you develop a nice thick lining - which is pretty nasty when it all comes pouring out. I had the same experience when I bled right through it the day after my BFN (I'd thought prog would delay my period, so I was completely unprepared - whoops). I am SO sorry about your neg :( But Feb is full of potential - you'll be giving it another try in no time.
ReplyDeleteBuy some new panties.A girl can never have enough of them,especially the sexy ones.
ReplyDeleteOn being bummed. think of it this way you're not AS bummed as you would have been if you'd let yourself go all the way THERE.If you felt nothing at all i would wonder....
Bloody hell is right!! I'm afriad of experiencing the same heaviness you're writing about. That progesterone is some nasty stuff. And really, how could you not be a little bummed? We put our hopes into these procedures, statistics or not. Glad you rewarded yourself with a nice day. You deserved it.
ReplyDeleteI second acknowledging your emotions, expected or not. This will make your eventual BFP even that much more sweet. Keep your hopes up, February is soon to come!
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