They say "babies change everything."
Interesting, I guess, because it is surprisingly true.
Not only in my family (with my father's continued and growing support and excitement the most notable example), but in Speedy's family, where lines are being redrawn and old hurts are resurfacing, but both are being confronted rather than squashed. I dare say she and her sisters are getting closer because of it, and that her relationship with her parents is subtly changing as well. This is not all directly about the baby-- some of it is about her parents being elderly and needing, want it or not, more assistance, and therefore requiring more communication and cooperation from the the sisters-- but the directness with which Speedy is managing these changing relationships I think feeds from the well of strength that this baby is bringing to us; a ferocity that was never tapped before. She is no longer willing or able to lie down and take shit from them, because she has a lot more at stake these days. Surprisingly, this is paying off with healing these broken relationships.
And on the other side, my rather distant relationship with my brother remains so, but my SIL, who is an absolute gem (and wrote and produced the Nature documentary on wolverines that premiered last night-- check it out!) has become MUCH more open with me and Speedy-- she is so thrilled to be becoming an auntie again (her youngest niece I think is 19.) And it turns out that she and my brother are in the process of doing adoption paperwork, even though Speedy and I have long thought that they had dropped any ideas of involving children.
This spring, my brother & SIL are going to Montana for eight months, but when they return it will be full-speed ahead, apparently, meaning that my little family might be growing a lot fasted than I had ever thought.
Our staid family is about to get unpinned.
In Speetus news, I woke up with pretty awful nausea and heartburn this a.m.-- for the first time!-- and let me say how grateful I am not to have gone through this at the beginning. The nausea seems to be related to Speetus's ever more insistent movements, and the heartburn was definitely due to a combo of SIL's excellent homemade pizza and the radically reduced capacity of my stomach, thanks to Speetus's daily incursions into new territories that used to be the sole province of various organs. My legs ache, I hate bending over, getting up, lying down, and pretty much any movement. Sleep sounds like a fabulous thing, but I constantly toss and turn and find myself smothering under my own weight and heat. Poor Speedy, trying to sleep by my side as I flip and twist and groan like a stranded walrus.
A soon-to-come NaBloPoMo post: Photos of our utilitarian urban nursery, the scavenged & second-hand edition. I am just waiting to get the rug back from the cleaners. ($200 Land of Nod rug for $20 +$48 for cleaning: score!)
What great news that you have new reason to be united against family bs! I hate family drama.
ReplyDeleteAbout being uncomfortable: it will be all over before you know it. V was just saying last night that she can barely remember anything about being pregnant, and she doesn't really remember being uncomfortable (and boy, was she ever, especially near the end). It's funny, it seems like a lifetime ago.
SCORE on the rug! Was in CL or something? I need to keep an eye out; we need a rug in the stinkers' room. Anyway, hurray!
yay for the pleasant SIL! i have one of those, too, and it's my one link to red's childhood. "utilitarian urban nursery" sounds like the title of a great new blog. can't wait for the photos!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear relationships are shifting. Even if it's unclear where they'll end up, it seems like the movement is a good thing, and hopefully will lead to more harmony within the various family units. Can't wait to see the nursery!
ReplyDeleteAdventures-- I love this rug! I found it on the community parenting list serve classifieds, where I have gotten most of my stuff. There is a lot more accountability in the parenting list serve than I think is on CL, and I have never gotten a rotten deal with them. Plus, they have just about everything I have asked for. Tomorrow, I am going to sift through someone's old baby toys, as that is the one thing we have neglected thus far.
ReplyDeleteI think Speedy needs to my dealing-with-parents model. It's about time to get firm with mine.
ReplyDeleteI was just over at Pom's blog reading about her family sitch...it sucks that there has to be any negativity surrounding a new addition to the family. But like I said in a comment on her blog, I've heard so many queer parents tell stories about how having a baby changed things in unexpected and positive ways in the overall family dynamic. Hope the changes come smoothly...
ReplyDeleteAmazing that one tiny creature can have such an impact on so many people and a good one at that. Nice work Speetus.
ReplyDeleteI am convinced that the end of pregnancy is meant to get you ready for baby's arrival. No matter how nervous you are about their arrival, you will eventually be so uncomfortable that you can't wait to get them out.
Glad to hear there is movement from family members on all sides. That is terrific and I bet just a harbinger of better things to come. It is very hard to be cold and stony faced around an infant!
ReplyDeleteOh, I hear ya on the aches and pains. Poppycat has it right though - it can only help get us ready for that finale.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to see pics of the rug! I wish we had community parenting list like you've mentioned. Only CL here - and that can be so sketchy.
Photos, please! And cousins, woo hoo! I like the Speedy method for dealing with crap from family. I may be trying it out myself in a few weeks here...
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