Holy shit!
When we got home last night from birth class (where Speetus danced up a storm as we discussed various interventions that we all fervently hope to avoid) I had an email with the subject line just listing our donor number. An alert of low-stock from the bank? No. A holiday special on 2010 purchases? No. A real live woman who has a daughter from using the same guy? Yep!
Now I know some of y'all are all about the anonymity of donor sperm, but I just feel differently. I feel like the more info the better, and so when I opened this email I felt like I used to when I got replies to my PlanetOut profile. (What?!) I immediately wrote back, and within minutes she wrote me back again. And while Speedy talked to her sister on the phone, I was trying to figure out the best way to extract maximum info from this woman while projecting minimal creepiness.
Holy shit!! A donor sibling!! We knew that he had a good number of reported pregnancies, but none were listed on the CCB sibling registery database and no amount of googling could turn up anything about him or his supposed offspring. And NOW.... along comes this woman, in Jersey, with a beautiful 10-month-old daughter who was born 8 lbs. 7 oz. and bald as a bucket ,with green-grey eyes. Wow. Not that this says anything about what Speetus will be-- after all, we have a whole different set of his chromosomes and then oh, the half that is just mine. But, wow.
I don't know where this is going but I am so excited to have this line-- really the only one-- into something connected with him other than the sheaf of papers and the credit card receipt from CCB.
Anyone else make contact with donor sibling families? Any thoughts?
And whoa...spurred by my conversation with this woman, I stopped by Jacques' donor page only to find that his vials are no longer available. He had 25+ a couple of weeks ago, so I assume he hit that wall of maximum # of offspring. I don't know if there is a way around that for people who have already had children with his sperm, but, hmmm. I mean, one was the plan-- is the plan-- but not to have the option would be kind of upsetting. I am waiting for another hour until they open so I can talk to someone about this. Ugh.
I'm really glad you're happy about this- it's a nice surprise. We're still torn on making contact with the other family that used our donor. I'm sure we will at some point though. And of course, they haven't contacted us yet (but can via one of our email addresses). We need to do a post on our thoughts surrounding it.
ReplyDeletePS- Nutella and I met on PlanetOut over 7 years ago!
This post is awesome - it makes something so clinical very personal, and I'm glad you've found that connection. Very cool...
ReplyDeleteOh man, PlanetOut. I would not have come out of the closet if not for that site.
ReplyDeleteI'm so pleased you were able to make contact with a sibling. I think that's spectacular. C and I differ a lot on that front, so we'll have to hash that one out in the future-- I'd really like to hear from a donor sib, C not so much. Emotions get in the way a lot here, I think.
Awesome! What fortuitous timing, what with Speetus's debut just days away! Glad you found one another.
ReplyDeleteWhoa! That is some crazy news. Very exciting I think. Especially when Jersey is so close to you.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how they found you though...? Especially when you couldn't find anyone with all your diligence (and we KNOW you're diligent!.
Are the parents of the baby also same-sex?
From what I've heard, exceptions are often made for people who have already conceived with the donor to get additional vials.
I too can owe my coming out to PlanetOut!
ReplyDeleteWe are in contact with one of William's half siblings. His mother and I met on the CCB message boards and have kept up via text message and Facebook. Comparing and contrasting them together is great fun. We have hopes they will eventually meet in person.
Great news as long as that's what you want. I just hope it doesn't go to the comparison front. Different moms even tho same donor can make a world of difference sometimes.
ReplyDeleteSigned, me from the land of oneupmanship.
2C1H-- Yeah, that's what I was hoping... but it appears he has just plain sold out; a big no vacancy sign flashing in neon off a lonely highway! WTF?! I added myself to the waiting list for when/if anyone "sells back" their vials, but jeez. I did not see that coming! That open option seems to be a bit more closed than I anticipated.
ReplyDeleteThe woman found me because I posted on DSR AND CCB's sibling registry database looking for other recipients. In over a year, she is the first one to make contact.
So far it seems that Speebling's mom is a single mother by choice. She alluded to being in her 40's and made no reference to a partner. We may or may not have anything in common aside from the DNA we chose to make a baby, but I am still excited to learn that there is someone out there!
I'm jealous! I joined the DSR and so far, not contact. I could also easily be found through google based on a BBC message I posted that includes the donor number. Nothing! I *do* know the donors info (name,etc) but it would be nice to have contact with someone rather than just stalking.
ReplyDeleteI'm all for the more info the better as well. How neat!
ReplyDeletefantastic! we've used two donors so far (both open) and i've been sure to post on the CCB forum right away each time. i couldn't believe how many people wanted to connect! i think it's a good thing!
ReplyDeleteCCB's limits are on the number of families who produce offspring with a single donor - not the number of actual babies. So you're cleared to buy more of your original donor from them if you already have a child. But if they sell out, they sell out. For whatever reason, we always managed to choose donors that sold out quickly and felt like I was in a scramble all the time to keep my vial #s where I wanted them. (We have 10 now in storage.) If yours is still an active donor, there might be a release coming in the future and they can usually give you a window. (They have to wait a certain # of months for it to come out of quarantine.) They will call you the day before a release if you ask them to. You may have spoken to them and know all this already!
ReplyDeleteOur donor first came on the market this past February and we got pregnant in March. And there has already been a reported birth ahead of us! According to the message boards, he has knocked up quite a few ladies, and I have to admit I'm a little freaked out that my son will have this many half-siblings almost exactly his age. I'm not quite ready to register on the sibling registry...though I'm certainly curious.
I always thought that I’d really want to keep everything under close wraps, and that I wouldn’t want contact. Now that they’re here, I kind of find that I’m not nearly as concerned about that as I had thought I would be. On ccb’s registry, there is one other offspring out there. I guess I kind of feel in the middle about it, but I am kind of curious if that kid looks like either of ours.
ReplyDeleteWhoa! I'm excited for you and curious to see how your relationship develops. We have discovered one other family with a 2-year old girl from our donor, but have yet to contact them. I keep thinking I will, then balking. Why? I'm not sure. I want the connection, the openness - I suppose I'm just uncertain about what level of communication to expect, etc. On another note, we ALSO just discovered that our CCB donor is sold out. I was sad. We are planning on a second bean with me carrying, and though we'd been debating whether or not to use the same donor (I should post about this as I have much to say) the decision has now been made for us. Ah, well.
ReplyDeleteHow exciting to have this whole new territory to navigate!
ReplyDeleteHow cool! I guess it can be a slightly odd relationship to navigate, but I'm sure Speetus will be really interested to find out about / meet a genetic sister at some stage.
ReplyDeleteHope you get some good news about the extra vials too - just in case! xxxh