So the dreaded Holiday came and went without much fanfare.
This time was different from last year in that if Speedy & I were having a competition for the Worst Parents Award I am afraid I have pulled slightly ahead. We spent Wednesday with her parents who were charming and sweet with their usual neuroses and eccentricities (whereas last year they were over-the-edge and scary).
On Thursday, we drove to VT on for four days with my parents. My brother and sister-in-law were not there this year and I think it darkened the general mood a bit, but my mother was her normal funny, sweet, slightly off-kilter self and we enjoyed a few long walks in the woods with her and the dogs. My father, on the other hand, was his usual angry, closed-down, aggressively hostile self, only even more so. He has a way-- always-- of broadcasting the fact that my presence is nothing more than an unwelcome imposition and disruption in his sacred home, even though I am always scrupulous about bringing as much or more food & drink as I consume, making at least every-other-meal, doing my dishes as soon as they are dirtied, never leaving things lying about, etc. In my parents house, I act like a most timid houseguest, but it serves to, if not reduce his glares and bald-faced contempt, at least minimize the actual things he can complain noisily about.
Over the years I have learned to cope with his inordinate hostility and anger by simply ignoring him. I quite literally tune him out to the degree that I barely notice him except when he is physically in my way. Usually after a few drinks (double Jack Daniels with ice) he pinkens and softens a bit, actually forms a couple of sentences other than harsh interrogations such as, "Why is this here?!" "Where is the ____?!" Always symbolically demonstrating that I. Am. Not. Welcome.
Poor Speedy, however, has not had the years of conditioning that it has taken me to get to this point (my father and I used to have knock-down drag-out brawls when I would try to force him to acknowledge and account for his blatant assholery) and so she felt chronically intimidated by his aggressive posturing, and spent the entire time we were up there avoiding being in the same room with him. I don't blame her, but it's been a long time since I have had to think much about him since I generally treat him like an inconvenient object I occasionally have to move around.
Ughhhh. Anyway. Till next year!
In TWW news, I have NOT peed on any sticks, and still have no intention of doing so.
I have noted the following symptoms, which could meaning anything or nothing (TMI alert):
- 1 dpo I had, a la Jackie of Waiting for Mavis, an super-intense "O" that was just different in a number of ways than the usual. No intense cramping, but much more than usual uterine heaving.
- A few days dpo I had an episode of stood-up-too-fast light headedness.
-Starting about 3 dpo I had Very Sore Nipples which gradually morphed into Very Tender Breasts, that feel heavy and hot.
-ABout 6-7 dpo, I had intermittent, localized (but not always the same locale) cramping.
-I have, at different points in last week, gotten up in the middle of the night to pee (at one point, three times) which I rarely do.
-No nausea.
-No fatigue.
-No spotting.
Schroedinger's womb is either sprouting something or not. Remains to be seen. 9 dpo and counting....
What is your dad really angry about?
ReplyDeleteUgh... sorry to hear about your dad. That seems rough. How will you handle that when a baby comes along? Do you think he will change then?
ReplyDeleteYour symptoms sound promising... your tww is almost over and I hope there is a BFP at the end!
Malea, Your guess is as good as mine! He's been like that ever since I can remember, even before I came out.
ReplyDeleteBecky, Thanks-- I was thinking about how he'd be with a baby/kid and the weirdest thing about him that is weird is that he's incredibly good natured and affectionate with my dogs and his own animals. I am hoping that that weird schizo behavior translates to the kid! And maybe some of it will even leak onto me & Speedy!
I know from a year+ of ttc blogging how slippery and deceptive symptoms can be, so I maintain my stance of guarded hope with not real expectation of success. But thanks!
Sorry to hear about your family drama. You are brave to still keep going home. I stopped making those family holiday trips about 10 years ago and life has been much better since then. If my mom wants to see me, she can come to NYC. At least VT isn't that far away if you need to escape in the middle of the night. Not so easy in Missouri!
ReplyDeleteThe symptoms....well, they all sound promising but you got an out loud "OH" when I read you were peeing in the middle of the night. That, my friend, has nothing to do with progesterone and I'm hoping it's point in the direction of something going on in that womb!
What day do you go in for your beta??
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ReplyDeleteI test Jan 4-- 16 dpo. I hope you're right about the peeing thing, but I'm a lttle worried it was just my nervous drinking of tons of seltzer and tea while at my parents' house (I guess I sublimating my desire for the ample quantities of wine that usually gets me through these extended weekends!)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, let's hope... but not too hard (!) I'll post the results next week!
Sorry to hear about the dealings with your Dad. I know how that can be - my father was an angry alcoholic for years and years. Led to much unpredictable behavior as you might imagine.
ReplyDeleteGlad you made it through unscathed though.
The symptoms sound pretty promising...! Who knows - I'm hoping you and I both get a nice BFP on the 4th. Then we can be pregnant at the same time too! That would be fun. :)
God I hate having to deal with family. M and I argue about whose parents are worse all the time. I would say mine, though, since they won't even acknowledge her/us.
ReplyDeleteDear Keely, I'm sorry I've been MIA for a while - for some reason you blog has not been popping up in my blogroll very much. My sympathies are with you on your family - I like many of us have different types of family probs which don't involve an angry and hostile parent - just other stuff that I can't really blog about. It's hard when our coping mechanisms can't be passed onto our partners and they get scared and offended and it's miserable. How does your mom put up with him or is it just you he's mad at?
ReplyDeleteThe symptoms sound promising though. Not that I am trying to imply anything either way. I'll be checking in soon:)
Sorry to hear about your Dad and all his crappy passive-aggression, even while you've managed to block it out. If he is sweet to your pets then whose to say he won't be with your child? Kudos on not dwelling too much on symptoms and good luck. I've still got my fingers crossed for your BFP!
ReplyDeleteYour dad sounds a lot like my partner's dad. He is incredibly hostile, especially when someone dares invade his sanctum. As far as I can tell, he is so insecure in his life/job/relationships that he 'needs' complete control over his home. When we visit, he spends most of the time redistributing the garbage that we threw away 'wrong' and cleaning up behind us (because leaving a half-full glass of water on the counter... well, that's just sacrilege). Yikes.
ReplyDeleteMy partner's response to all of his craziness is to push back, intentionally mess up his system (by jumping in and making something for dinner, or choosing to unload the diswasher) and just letting him deal. I think it's her version of tough love, and don't know if it's right or wrong, but it helps her cope with him.
I tend to just drink wine and stay out of his way, and our daughter hates him, as do five of his six grandchildren. It's sad, but there's something therapeutic in NOT bowing to his moods and tantrums.
I'm sorry you have such drama to deal with, and hope that he miraculously improves when your children come along.
That reminds me! He had a fit when my mother _asked_ me to adjust the spices in her soup and I had the temerity to measure the salt, cumin, etc. in my hand (as if measuring them in precise teaspoons would have made the soup taste better). He was seriously pissed! I do push back in that way-- I told him in no uncertain terms that he could not micromanage my spicing-- but...[expletive]!
ReplyDeleteI hope he does change when/if the Speedytot comes along, because it would be so sad for his only grandkid to hate him.
Hmmm... all I can say is that I totally sympathise. I don't write about it much on my blog because I plan for our bub to be able to read it one day, but my dad is a total a-hole and similarly I have learnt to block him out but it really upsets J. It's interesting how many people have also said they go through the same thing with parents or in-laws.
ReplyDeleteWaiting in anticipation for the 4th. Not long now. What a champion TWW-er. No POAS!