I am not a complainer, but when I posed the question in my comments about being left mid-exam with a speculum hanging out of me, I started to realize just how innappropriate yesterday's midwife appointment was.
1. I waited nearly 45 minutes in the waiting room. MW came through twice and smiled benignly at me. She obviously had no inkling of who I was.
2. During the consultation part of the exam, she repeatedly asked what my "hubby" thought of x or y, even though I repeatedly corrected her.
3. She asked if I needed a "refresher" birthing course. When I reminded her that this would be my first, she consulted my chart, then said, "Oh yes, you're right." (Like maybe I had forgotten that small detail of my medical history.)
4. She made many, many telling comments that revealed she had not read my chart at all before seeing me and had no idea what had gone on in previous visits.
5. Last time I saw her, she suspected I had a case of asymptomatic bacterial vaginosis. I reminded her of this (again, not my job) at the consultation, but she forgot to culture me for it during the exam, so I had to go back after I had already checked out at the reception desk to ask her to follow-up with that. Which led to...
6. An impromptu pants-down exam, during which she left me on the table with a speculum hanging out of my hoo-ha (and cranked wide open) while she went off to get some slides and testing agents. Then, she returned and proceeded to prepare the slides on the table between my still-wide-open legs, saying "Don't move for a minute while I do this. You don't mind do you?"
Yes, I very much did, in fact.
My insurance has resolved their issues with the hospital group meaning I could a) go back to my OB or b) look for another midwife at a different practice. At 22 weeks I feel like I am running a little late for all this switching, but can anyone convince me that this appointment was normal?
Does ANYONE in the NYC/Brooklyn area have suggestions for hospitals/birthing centers? Home birth is not supported in NYC, so that is not an option for me. I want a natural birth. I want to spend time with my family and loved ones in the room. I don't want IVs and pitocin and intervention and "this is how we do it." I want to nurse after giving birth and I want the baby in my room. I am still feeling at sea as to how to go about optimizing my chances for all of this...
Ugh! No, not normal. If we learned anything through our various care provider switches (from OB to RE, then from hospital-based midwifery practice to a birth center) it's to go with your gut. If you're not happy, trust yourself - there's a reason. 22 weeks isn't too late to change! We switched to the birth center closer to 28 weeks, I think. And it's been great. Wish I had an NYC suggestion to offer! Have you seen "The Business of Being Born"? It's filmed in NYC - tho' it emphasizes homebirth.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds awful. And dangerous. You could've been more susceptible to infection. 22 weeks is not too late to change. We switched over from the OB to midwives around 28 weeks. I hope you find a better place.
ReplyDeleteOh my god, that is not normal and you should definitely switch. I can't believe how unprofessional your appointment was. I wish I had suggestions for you but I'm sure some folks do.
ReplyDeleteAs a side note, I was illegally born at home in NYC. :)
I wish I had recs for you, but I live in Los Angeles. This is totally not normal. Glad you're finding out now - I had to switch OBs about a month before giving birth because I didn't want to face the warning signs and ended up in a crisis with the practice I was using. Here's to finding someone you love, like I did.
ReplyDeleteWelcome home! Glad the trip was so great (what did I tell you about Granada?) but sorry that you had such a ridiculously poor experience yesterday with that midwife. 21 weeks is TOTALLY not too late to switch. I have no NYC related advice but I wanted to send my encouragement that you seek out a much better provider. I know you'll find one!
ReplyDeleteGirl, it is NOT too late to switch. Run for the hills! I don't, obviously, have any NYC recommendations for you, but there have to be a thousand practitioners that are better than that. Yikes! I can't imagine being left on the table with a speculum in you. That's about the most demeaning thing I can think of. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteGood luck finding someone infinitely better.
Sorry, but that is definitely not normal. In fact, reading your post, I was shocked by how unprofessional and almost untrained the midwife was. You are definitely not too far along to change providers, and I wish I had a recommendation to make, but I'm all the way out in Seattle!
ReplyDeleteWe've been pretty screwed ever since St Vincent's closed. There's the Brooklyn Birthing Center, which may be the only freestanding center left in the NYC area. But, I believe they feed into Maimonides if anything should go wrong. Stacey Rees came highly recommended, but I'm not sure which hospital she has admittance rights to, as she's primarily a homebirth midwife.
ReplyDeleteBluebird midwifery was also recommended, and the midwife delivers at LICH.
God, how awful. I'm so sorry. Definitely not something you should have to put up with. I'll send you an email with some info that might be helpful. Is the issue w home birth that your insurance won't cover it?
ReplyDeleteThank you everyone who has offered advice and thoughts (both on and off list... the problem with home birth is that in NYC, from my understanding, no homebirth midwives currently have admitting privileges to hospitals, which means that if anything goes wrong, the only option is to "dump" me at the closest hospital (incidentally the same hospital that I went to for two different bone breaks, each one of which was set incorrectly and required follow-up surgery-- so, I would not willingly set foot in this hospital again if I could help it.) I don't think the Midwife Modernization Act has changed anything yet, but please, if you know better, let me know.
ReplyDeleteThanks again!
Gaaah, that's crazy. 22 weeks may be late but really, do you want to spend the rest of the pregnancy dealing with things like that? I'd hate for you to always have bad feelings and regrets about this pregnancy because of your mw. Find someone you really like, who you have confidence in and who you feel truly cares about you and your pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteI hope someone comes through with a great referal for you!
Wow. I would be running for a new midwife. I am angry on your behalf. Giving birth is not something you get to do often in your life. You should be feeling honored and cared for. I do not have any NYC suggestions, but I was thinking there might be references online, like the Mothering magazine forums. I will ask on a board I know and trust too.
ReplyDeleteBy the way...welcome back!!
that is not okay. switch, switch.
ReplyDeletei hear st lukes roosevelt is good for a hospital. i also hear post-partum basically sucks everywhere.
bk birth center sounds good except for the maimonides thing. everything else in brooklyn sounds ugh to me.
currently, we're lined up for nyu, which is more intervention-y than you want (though i bet it varies by OB), but i am also apparently v. likely to need a c-section, so yeah.
i would of yelled at her for doing that, and left the room. omg. that is horrible!
ReplyDeleteHere is a link for you that someone just mentioned to me.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.nywomenshealth.com/birthing-center-st-lukes-hospital-new-york.htm
hi - we are so far using downtown women's in soho. my partner isn't sure she wants a drug-free birth but their they seem fairly supportive of natural birth either way. its a team of OBs and a midwife (but i don't think the midwife actually does the births, just office visits) They deliver at Tisch NYU which I don't think is as pro-natural as Roosevelt. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteRun run run as fast as you can and tell them why you are running so she can't do the same to others. Sorry I have no NY advice but I gotta say, sorry there are so few choices. If it's possible to try with another midwife I say give it onemore try.
ReplyDeleteRun quickly away from that woman. I CANNOT believe she actually thought it was acceptable to leave you like that. Especially being a woman herself - that is so bizarre.
ReplyDeleteWe switched to a new OB just a few weeks ago (and love this one!) - it is not too late at all!
OMG... that is awful. I am on the west coast no suggestions... other then change!! I cannot believe that!
ReplyDeleteI'm delurking... but also adding to the it's-not-too-late chorus... you deserve better!!
ReplyDeleteHoo boy. That does not sound good at all. I wish I had some advice for NYC. We switched at 17 weeks and are glad we did. Good luck, whatever you decide.
ReplyDeleteWhoa, this midwife is NOT okay! I thought the whole point of using a midwife is because they are supposed to be more "patient centered". I can't recommend anyone in your area, but I hope you're able to find someone else soon. Seeing the right provider for you makes all the difference in the world.
ReplyDelete