Grounded

Thank you for all your amazing and wonderful comments. I feel the love. Every five minutes yesterday, I was checking my account to see if anyone had written anything of comfort or wisdom, and you did! Thank you so much. It was a crazy day, but I am feeling much more even-keeled today. Speedy? She's another story, but she's coping okay.

So way back on Monday, Speedy & I booked a visit with Dr. B on Monday, when we made our IVF plan. We decided to keep it after our "surprise" yesterday, so today we got to see him. Not before me getting in a minor verbal scuffle with the reception lady who said I could not get a refund yet (for the 2K on this canceled IUI cycle) because I'd have to come back for sonograms etc. I told her, "That's very kind of you to say, BUT I AM NOT PREGNANT... or at least I won't be in a matter of days." And then she accused me of being in denial. And I came back with "I'm bleeding rivers, lady. Are you REALLY going to fuck with me right now?" (I think I was a bit more polite than that, still cognizant of the fact that they have $2K of mine.)

ANYWAY. I finally got in to see Dr. B. and he was very cheery and insisted that there is a 50% chance this pregnancy may stick-- he's seen it happen, anyway, and he's been in the biz for a long time.

But this was the worst: I can't get beta #2 till tomorrow and when we were on our way out the door he asked what we were going to do with the day and I said, happily, "Gym!" and he got a gently chastising look on his face and said, "Hmmm, maybe NOT." And, oh maybe NOT go to Philly tomorrow (as we were planning) and maybe NOT do a lot of walking (as I always do). So, I'm grounded.

I'm grounded while Speedy goes to the gym ("Bye, sweets! Love ya!") and stuck here with my porous uterus while it expels whatever is left of the Pregnancy that Wasn't.

Don't get me wrong: I am super psyched that the last cycle worked in some limited way. It shows that the timing was okay, and that the tubes are still clear and that somehow that sperm did meet an egg and make an embryo. But I don't think there's a 50% chance of anything happening other than my ass getting incrementally bigger while we wait for the beta to fall. *sigh* My FSH level was also HIGH in Jan-- 12 (it has always been 9.7 until now) so I want to get going again right away. Grr!

In other news, I met these ladies' AWESOME babies!!


They are even more beautiful in real life and Puffer & Chicken are looking fabulous despite some pretty serious sleep deprivation. I am so grateful for this community. Puffer gave me some Gonal-F (the pen) that my RE's office wouldn't take in trade (they don't use the pens) so if anyone needs it, I'll be happy to send along. One package expires at the end of this month and the other expires in March, so let me know ASAP.