Family Hazing

Gf has been hazed. This means official acceptance into the Family. Everyone got over their mutual nervousness with one another and the mockery began.

First there was the favorite family drinking game: let's see how much wine XX can drink and remain upright.

[Answer: not much.]

Then there was the follow-up phone calls: "Is [gf] still drunk?" "Was [gf] hungover this morning?"

The final stage will be in less than two weeks when there will be the re-proving of gf's inadequate ability to metabolize alcohol in quantities greater than 1-2 glasses of wine.

Oh, the hilarity.

But in my family the idea is: the family that mocks together...well, mocks together. Isn't that enough?

Gf survived with aplomb (and no, she really wasn't that wasted, it's just that the quantity of wine consumed by certain members of the family far exceeded her capacity to keep apace.) Now she is officially accepted into the fold.

Other than that it was an interesting weekend: the parents split their time between my brother and sister-in-law (he is a self-important boor; she is lovely), me and gf, and, of course, Ex. They were on pretty good behavior in general.

However, I don't think that it would be paranoid for me to believe they are intentionally trying to drive me crazy.

They have this weird thing they do where they make plans and then change them at the very last minute and make everyone hurry up to accommodate them. They did this three times: once for dinner on Friday-- I was supposed to meet them after my office Christmas party and kill a couple of hours with them before dinner, but they called me while I was in the subway, left a message that simply reiterated the plan ("so we're hoping to see you before dinner.") but not saying where and when-- then they turned off their cell phone until they called me again from the restaurant two hours later and said, "we're here, where are you?"; then again on Saturday afternoon-- gf & I were supposed to meet them at one, after their brunch with Ex, to show them the extent and progress of the renovation at gf's, but at 12:30 they called (while gf & I were out looking at kitchen cabinets 2 miles away) and said, "we're outside your door, where are you?"; and then once more Saturday night- we were supposed to have dinner at 8 at a great little Korean restaurant & gf and I were going to meet up with everyone at my brother's at 7 for a glass of wine-- but at 5:30 they called to say they had changed the dinner reservations to 6:30 at a different place altogether and that we had to be there on the dot or we would not be seated. Of course, we arrived with hair still wet from the shower and yesterday's clothes.

The final blow was when my father said he was paying-- which was fine by me since I'm broke and none too inclined to go to restaurants where a low-end bottle of wine is $60-- but at the end my brother insisted on grabbing the check... and splitting the $675...with ME!! Thanks for asking! Nothing like a little extortion between siblings.

But Sunday was perfect: gf and I spent the day cleaning the apt of accumulated animal fur and cooking for ourselves and the dogs (now that the great dane has to be on a home-cooked diet we decided it would be cheaper and no more work to put them all on the same diet: now we have a great way to get rid of food waste: squishy tomatoes, potato peels, broccoli stems, carrot ends, dried-up pasta from the back of the cupboard, chunks of stale bread and forgotten crackers-- cook it together like a stew, throw in some meat and boiled eggs, and voila: nirvana on a plate if you're a dog. Plus it's better for them and cheaper by far-- and no more worries about industrial chemical contaminants in their food of unknown origin!)

We made winter roasted vegetables and lentil soup and beer bread and christmas cookies for us. We took the whole crew for a long walk in the park. We opened a bottle of wine and watched a movie, then went to bed early, the whole apartment still warm and fragrant from all the cooking. It was the perfect winter Sunday.