I have pared down my vices to the barest minimum in advance of ttc, but this morning was the last straw. Speedy replaced my regular coffee with decaf. I knew she was planning on it; I knew it was imminent, and yet... somehow I didn't think we would actually get to this day.
Why, oh why did I let her get up before me? Why, when I had the sleepy inkling of foreboding when I heard the coffee grinder start (do decaf beans sound different?) did I not rouse myself and sprint up the stairs to stop the terrible thing from happening? Why, when I took that first sip thinking, "this might not be so bad" did I not immediately recognize that the day was doomed?
I have a very set routine: up, coffee, walk dogs, feed dogs, toast, shower, subway, work. Note that the coffee comes as early as possible in the routine.
Little did I realize how crucial the order was. Good lord; I was lucky to get to the park alive after nearly tottering into oncoming traffic, blinded as I was by my incessant yawning. I nearly fell asleep in the shower-- and when I got out, I looked into the mirror to see my eyes were two nearly microscopic slits embedded in my otherwise grotesquely puffy face.
On the subway I tried to follow along with Keith Olberman's latest rant on my iPod and could hardly track an entire sentence before losing the coherence. Names, politicians, Sonia Sotomayor...something else...oh sorry, was I drooling on the passenger next to me again?
There has got to be a way to do this baby thing without turning me into a public menace.
As soon as I got to work I made myself a proper cup of coffee, but I am afraid I missed the critical window and already have a headache.
Sounds like you have quite an addiction! It reminds me so much of my parents. My mom hates hates hates decaf, but my dad (an addict himself, if there has ever been one) wanted my mom to cut out caffeine. We were in a department store once a few years ago when my mom was talking about it, and my dad suddenly pretended to be very interested in these pillows or something, saying, “hey, look at this.” Then he proceeded to quietly tell me that he had replaced her regular coffee months prior w/ decaf, slowly adding more and more decaf and less and less regular. Now, he just has to make sure he goes to the grocery store and gets coffee before she does. To this day, she has never noticed the difference.
ReplyDeleteCan you blend and work yourself down slowly?
Thanks for the idea!
ReplyDeleteSpeedy is completely incapable of such subterfuge. In fact on Saturday, she attempted decaf experiment #1 and before I even lifted the mug to my mouth, she so-very-subtly said "SO HOW IS THE COFFEE?" -- my cue to dump it and go make myself a real pot.
I would have to knowingly and methodically do it myself, which would amplify any placebo effect of me just KNOWING about the lack of caffeine... but something's gotta give and I can't afford a month's vacation at work while I figure it out ;)
I did to Chicken exactly what Adventure is suggesting. There's NO way you can just 'make the switch' and have it work. It's too painful and obvious.
ReplyDeleteIt helps if you have a willing accomplice to make this happen...but it sounds like this may be something you take on yourself..slowly....
It sucks for about two weeks. I won't lie to you.
But then it was fine.
Good luck. You can do it!
this gave me such a chuckle. thanks! and be careful out there. it's a scary world when you're not caffeinated. not that i would really know as i am always with my coffee iv drip.
ReplyDeleteI never tried to trick myself with decaf. I just slowly cut back on coffee over a monthlong period until I wasn't drinking any at all. It was awful. I've been off coffee for months now, but will treat myself to the occasional cup of decaf. I think fake (decaf) coffee is a lot like fake meat. There's no way a person who loves big juicy burgers will be fooled or satisfied with a soy burger. But the vegetarians who have been off meat for a really long time are convinced that a Bo.ca Burger tastes just like black angus. Replacing regular coffee with decaf, especially if you're aware of the switch, will just make you frustrated because you're all to aware of what you're missing.
ReplyDelete