We are on the precipice of revelation, though, so perhaps, as many bloggers (and Those Who Do Not Blog) predicted, there will be a change. I just know that *I* am not going to be the one pressing for it. After I spent 7 hours perfecting that lemon cheesecake for his birthday, only to be (metaphorically) slapped in the face with his disdain, my part is over.
However. My mother emailed me yesterday and asked point-blank if I was pregnant-- between my sheer exhaustion when they were in town and the not drinking, I guess she put it together. So I had to tell her a lot sooner than I wanted, which meant that Speedy also had to tell her family.
Predictably, Speedy's mother was her usual rather myopic and solipsistic self. She first asked "What did Schroe's mother say?" which would be an almost normal question if it came from a normal person, but from her it is a TRAP. If Speedy had admitted we told my mom first, there would have been a litany of jealous anger from her. Spared that, Speedy was just hit with judgment: "Oh, why you do? That's so terrible. I wish you (meaning Speedy) have a baby!" Meanwhile Speedy's father was somehow worried about the sperm, as if we had gotten it by swabbing the floor of a peep show or something. Her sisters were pushy ("Are you going to get amnio?" "You shouldn't breast feed, it will ruin your breasts.") And only her brother-in-law offered spontaneous, heartfelt congratulations.
On my side, things went a bit better, but still weird: My mother was worried ("How are you going to manage with all the dogs?") My sister-in-law was ecstatic ("Oh my god I am going to be the biggest bestest dotingest auntie ever!!") and my brother was shocked but happy, I think. ("Well, THAT's a bombshell!")
Between them all we were on the phone for half the night. Luckily, I reminded Speedy to expect the worst of her parents, so she wasn't too devastated by her family's reaction. My sister-in-law's response to me was the pure highlight. Just sheer joy from her, coupled with a what-did-she-just-say?! confession that she and my brother were looking into sperm banks because of fertility issues on his side. Maybe this will light the fire under them....
In other news...
Yesterday's first official OB visit was good. More growth, still a beating heart. Speedyblob is measuring 2.1 and 8w5d, plus or minus 3, which is right on track... AGAIN, no heartrate, but it was definitely good and fast. What is it with me not being able to get a heart rate? I guess I have no cause for concern, but do these people not know how much numbers mean to us?? This is the end of my weekly peeps. My next time I go in will be in three weeks for an NT scan. This feels like forever.
I also got a list of things I should and should not eat, and confessed that I inadvertently ate tilefish two weeks ago (I thought I had ordered the fluke and only realized halfway through.) The OB was pretty sure I was not going to have a mutant ninja turtle instead of a baby, though.
I don't even want to talk about all the retrospective "Oh shit" moments I have had in the what-not-to-eat-and-drink category, and how much I hate Google. Green tea? Check. Agave nectar? Check. Half-cooked eggs? Check. Tilefish? Check. Flax seed oil? Check. Feta, goat, brie? Check, check, check. Oh, and according to one site that I wanted to nuke just for being alarmist and insane, HUMMUS. Yeah, check that for every single day, 'cuz Speedy makes the BEST homemade hummus with lots of garlic and lemon. Oh yeah, and litterboxes? Yep, that too. But in the 15+ years I have been a cat owner, I am still toxo negative, so take that crazy pregnant lady scare stories!
I think all this prohibition crap can make you a little crazy. But my general sense is that moderation is key, and yeah... no more tilefish, I promise.
Anyway, that's the update, expect lots of quiet around here for the next couple of weeks. I have a work conference in New Orleans (recommendations welcome, Libberal!) and afterwards, Speedy and I are hanging out for a couple of days, either to eat and see stuff or to de-gunk birds and marine creatures if the oil slick has hit the nearby regions by that time.
So if I fail to comment or blog, it's not personal, I'm just going to be offline for a while after next week.
Two things, both about food:
ReplyDelete(1) I also freaked out about soft cheeses knowledge gained from Google, but my OB explained to me is that the real problem is unpasteurized soft cheeses. So unless you have your own cow or regularly travel to France, the cheese you're eating is likely pasteurized and hence fine.
(2) While you're in New Orleans, run, do not walk, to Lilette. It's darling, romantic and delicious.
Okay what does solipsistic mean? You writers have finally stumped me.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on keeping your wits about you while weathering the family. Sounds like you both survived while maintaining your sanity and sense of humor. When Chefy told her parents I was pregnant, they asked if it was going to be a boy or girl, thinking we had the option of buying "boy" or "girl" sperm. Yup. True story.
Good pic of SB! Sounds like everything is moving right along-that's great news!
As fas as NOLA goes, I would recommend Cuchon (both the restaurant and takeaway place), Maspero's in the quarter for something casual, Emerill's NOLA for a nicer dinner, Commander's Palace for weekend brunch, and I heart me some roast beef Po-Boy from Mother's (although Chefy thinks its overrated and you don't eat meat :) Whatever you do, hopefully you have fun- even if it involves cleaning oil off of little gulf creatures.
Haven't you learned to stay away from google yet? lol I can't imagine hummus being bad for you. Just think of all those women who eat it while pregnant all the time and never have any problems. With that list of do not eat it makes me wonder how we survived... I think back in that day, my mom actually smoked while pregnant and I know for sure that she ate whatever she wanted. I guess I'm a walking miracle. ;)
ReplyDeleteWe just got back from New Orleans and want to return soon. We had an awesome time and I know you will too! Make sure you visit Cafe du Monde and try their delicious beignets!
Glad you told the fam and it is now out in the open. From my vantage point, telling family members (who you know are going to be confused/skeptical) about a pregnancy is a lot like the first coming out conversation. Reactions are hardly what you wish they would be in a Hallmark movie (when my wife told her mom we were engaged, she (my m.i.l.) burst into tears. And not happy ones.) But pregnancy is so theoretical for them now, with no visible belly or full-on baby on the outside right now.
ReplyDeleteI think many of their responses will warm slowly as your grow and by the time December rolls around, many many people will be eagerly awaiting speedytot's debut. That's my wish for you, anyway. And if your family doesn't come through...well, that's what you have all of us for. :)
Wait. You aren't supposed to have green tea when pregnant? Really? Boo.
ReplyDeleteAs for telling your families, sounds crazy. I expect worse, so I feel your pain.
Ugh. Thank god for the sis-in-law. At least it's out there now and you don't have to wonder/worry about how people will react. Sorry it's such an ordeal. But glad you have a vacation to look forward to!
ReplyDeleteUt oh - I've broken a few of those google food rules also... not too bad though. As bellygirls said - we're all here still and our parents (and their parents before them) had no such rules!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on tellign the family - even if all the reactions weren't as super as you'd like. Great sis in law reaction though. We had the same thing from Chris' sister and we were totally surprised.
Have a great time in NOLA. Thanks for helping out with the birdies and marine animals if you can. I think BP should be fined for EVERY animal they have harmed...
BTW - what's wrong with hummus? This post made me hungry for all things I'm not supposed to have...damn.
i am a big cheese lover too. i understand the concern! lol
ReplyDeleteas for your family. You take what you want out of what they say. Because in the end you have to make yourself happy.
They always say blood is thicker than water. but in my experience, that isnt necessarily true.
You choose who you let into your positive circle, because in the end that is what will make you happy. I am learning that myself. Slowly it is working. You cant change people, but only change the way you receive their comments.
I am super excited for you!!
now, im going to eat some buffalo mozza... lol.
Oh, family. I faced a lot of similar-sounding weirdness when Rose announced that we were getting married. My parents mostly had a lot of questions and silent concerns, and very little congratulations. Not that it always happens this way, but by the day of the actual ceremony they had completely come around. Time helps. It's hard to want to celebrate something this big and exciting with those close to you and to have ashes thrown on the fire!
ReplyDeleteEGADS, this is one time I am grateful for my ever-liberal NP Moody, who said, "as long as your food is coming from a good source, don't worry about it too much." I remember rolling my eyes when my pregnant sister wouldn't eat some very processed goat cheese, thinking, we are such paranoid, hysterical Americans! But of course, now that I'm HERE, I'm like, is deli turkey really worth killing my baby over? Yup. I have my paranoid, hysterical moments.
But don't give up hummus. No way.
Wow - I'm sorry you're not getting more joy from either of your families. I'm glad there's a least one reasonable, happy family member on each side though. I hope everyone uses the next 6 months or so to get their acts together.
ReplyDeleteHave a great trip and enjoy no blogland! I've been having a hell of a time getting back to reading/commenting/writing since I was away so I have no hard feelings if you're not commenting!
I'm glad you both have at least someone in your families who is just happy and excited for you. Hopefully at least some of the rest of them will come around in time.
ReplyDeleteAs for the eating restrictions... Yeah, I'm kind of in the "moderation is key" camp. Strangely enough, my attitude towards soft cheeses is "they're all pasteurized in the U.S. anyway, it's fine", but I was kind of horrified when someone suggested eating a spam sandwich to a pregnant friend of mine. We'll see how I feel about it when it's my wife, or later on, myself.
Ah yes, telling the family. Certainly a process. But then it's over and done with and they have many months to deal with it. I hope this is all out of the way for you both soon.
ReplyDeleteI agree with 2 chicks- our parents didn't have these rules...no one was freaking out over eating lunch meat or goat cheese, etc. Nutella was more careful than usual, but definitely didn't rule a lot of stuff out simply because of fear mongering. Everything in moderation...speedytot will be perfect.
Nice blog revamping! And Tot-ticker! Yay!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the technical assistance with the ticker. The superstitious part of me (which, let's face it, is an awful big part for someone so rational) feels like I am tempting fate with that ticker, but I am trying to embrace the reality even though it still feels so unreal...
ReplyDeleteI hate the do and don't lists!! Ugh. And some of them are SO contradictory! Not fair!
ReplyDeleteHey! I’m glad you had good reactions from BIL and SIL. I do hope that as you grow, their excitement will, too.
ReplyDeleteWe asked one of the doctors about food restrictions and they were surprisingly casual about it. For example, sushi (“women in Japan have babies, don’t they?”). I like the idea of being more concerned where it came from than what it is.
Hope you’re enjoying NOLA. And as bellygirls said, hope you’re able to stop by Café Du Monde. In our younger days, we had a night out where we stayed out at the bars all night, and watched the sun come up eating beignets at Café Du Monde. Ah, to be young, right?
ps- I like the new look
Just catching up on your blog, and I'm so sorry to hear about the issues you're having with your dad, and the less-than-stellar reactions from other family members.
ReplyDeleteI hope you have a great time in NOLA. If I'm remembering correctly, you're vegetarian, but if I'm wrong, you CAN NOT MISS Cochon. The food there is out of this world. They might have veggie entrees, I'm not sure. Anyway, have a great time!