Setting Limits

So gf and I had a big Talk about my anxieties about being consumed by this process. I am afraid that this TTC thing could take over our whole lives if we let it; I have this deep fear that my body is not going to do this for me, and I have visions of round after round of IUIs giving way to round after round of IVF, and becoming this horribly depleting, terrifying and depressing all-consuming THING that the rest of my life barely fits around. I don't want to go there. I want to know that we are giving it a try, but I also want to know that we know when to say "enough".

Unlike many ttc'ers, I am not someone who grew up dreaming of pregnancy, I was not the girl pushing a stroller full of dollies down the supermarket aisle. When my friends started having babies and trying to hand them to me while they were still red-faced and raw from their passage, I would recoil-- not that I don't like babies, but I don't have baby-lust, and my fear of dropping or somehow maiming them far outweighed my desire to hold them.

Can I imagine life in a family unit of two (+animals)? Yes, pretty easily.

So I need limits on this undertaking. I need to know that this will not bring us to a breaking point emotionally, financially and physically. I want to give it the good ol' college try and if it doesn't work out, I want to move on and plan a life for two, or maybe adopt.

With that covered, we made the following plan:

- I will call Dr. B. and we will go over the current State of My Uterus.
- We will explain to him our outlook and that we want to start inseminating in July-ish.
- We will do whatever prep work necessary (blood tests, pre-nates.)
- We will make our limits known. I have alway had in my mind the number eight. Lucky or not, it is about the limit to what I think I can bear without risking my health- financially, physically and emotionally.
- With that set out, we will undertake a plan that is as aggressive as we are all comfortable with to try to acheive pregnancy within that time. C.lom!d, ok; trigger shots, meh. Maybe. All the other ovary-plumping, follicle-pushing options will be taken under consideration.
- If, after eight IUIs, we have nothing but a string of BFNs and a depleted bank account, at this point the plan is to take a trip and look at other options-- adoption, or a life of travel and adventure as a family of two. Of course, we can re-evaluate and maybe push harder if we both want to. But right now, eight is enough I think.

I wanted to write this down to have it to refer back to, in case I forget.

By the way, I know that some of you reading have already passed eight, and I don't want in any way to insinuate that I think you are going too far or that you should give up, move on. I think everyone has to do what is right for them, and I have absolutely nothing but the best hopes for everyone going through this process, whatever point they are at. I just want to set my own totally arbitrary limits to the real, but manageable (at least so it seems from here, but who knows?) effort of eight IUIs.